My Sunshine

It was pouring since last Friday, the day that my mum passed away. The downpour lasted all through the wake until the day of cremation. It seemed like God, and mum, understood the sorrow in our hearts. The non-stop rain (except for brief moments) kept me and my family company during this most difficult time of our lives. But after we returned to La Verna Chapel from Mandai Crematorium on 1 Feb (Tues), the sun once again came out from behind the clouds and shone so beautifully. The rays came into La Verna and brought consolations to my heart. I knew mum was reassuring me that just as the sun will always come out after the rain, she too will always be in our hearts wherever we go and whatever happens.

Dealing with mum not being here is still a reality that I struggle with. Because we have loved each other so dearly, in our own ways, that separation seemed almost unbearable. But I know that mum now understands this better than anyone else, and continues to intercede for me and my family. Over the past few days, the void in my heart began to be filled by God's love and the growing sense of mum's presence wherever I was. I now talk to her when I miss her, and I ask her to pray for me too. She is my personal saint whom I can now turn to in prayers. My relationship with her is also starting to take a new dimension, which is beginning to burrow deeper into my very heart. This burrowing is one of pain and joy - pain from the sorrow of missing her but joy from the hope of inviting her into my heart.

These few days, whenever I see the sun and feel the warmth of its rays, I recall the warmth of my mum's presence with me. I know that even in the darkest hours, she'd continue to pray for me. Just like the sun, even in days of rain, it continues to shine despite my oblivion. I know that rain or shine, the sun is always there waiting to bring light and hope. I look forward to days of sunshine, so that I can experience the closeness of my mum's presence, and also to the days of thunderstorms, when I can hope in a love that will now never waver.