An Eulogy for Dad

My dad was the one who taught me how to be a man, not by words but by his life. He taught me what it means to be generous, what it takes to be responsible and how to love with all he has.

My dad was not good with finances. He did not earn much, and neither did he save very much. He had to keep the family going from pay-check to pay-check, often supplemented by loans. But he was always generous with his money. When we were young, we always knew when it was his pay day. He would return home with a feast of good food, especially durians. My mum’s nagging at him to save the money didn’t help. I still remember how I used to accompany him to collect his pay from his company’s office, and he would bring me for my favorite chicken rice after that. He didn’t think too hard about how he would spend his money – he was generous with us because he wanted us to be happy. My dad was also generous with others, especially those less well to do. During the wake, the beer servers from his favorite coffee-shop told us how he would give them extra tip whenever he struck 4D. I know he did that because he wanted to share his blessings with them. Some have asked me before “why am I so casual with the way I spend my money, even though I grew up poor”. I believe I learned it from my dad, that money is not everything and that generosity of heart is more precious than gold. 

My dad also has a quick temper. It did not take a lot for him to flare up, especially with the frustrations of the financial situation at home. And there were times when dad and mum would quarrel and fight. More than once, their marriage certificate was torn up into two in a fit of anger. But the certificate would always be scotched-tape back the next day. Whenever I looked at their marriage certificate, it reminded me of the turbulent journey they walked in their marriage. But my dad never turned away from his responsibilities as a husband and as a father. No matter how bad the state of finances was, he always found a way out – even to the extent of approaching loan sharks. Whenever I read in the papers of how fathers walked out on their families, leaving behind huge debts, I am thankful that my dad stuck with us through thick and thin. He taught me what it takes to be the head of the household, no matter how difficult things may be. 

My dad loved to smoke and drink, and that was his life. But there was someone whom my dad loved more – my mum. Although my dad was a man of few words, he knew exactly how to speak sweet-nothings to my mum. I remember how he used to serenade my mum with his singing. To the tunes of “Love Me Tender”, he might even dance for her at times. I used to find that mushy and embarrassing, I now think that that was very sweet. Even when mum was feeling low, or was angry with him, he always knew how to bring a smile to her face, by singing and charming her with words. After he was retrenched, dad continued to cook for mum and took care of the household chores, so that mum can have a restful evening after her work. And he did that every day for the past 10 years. That was my dad’s way of loving mum, and through his actions, he taught me how to love my own wife passionately, with all that I have.  

He also loved me and 姐 in his own unique ways. During the time when I studied overseas, my first meal after I return home every summer holiday would always be my favorite chicken rice. To me, his chicken rice recipe will always be the most authentic. And because姐’s favorite food was 炒虾面, he would always cook that for her on special occasions, such as her birthday. Dad did not always tell us he loved us, but his actions spoke louder than words. 

The reason why I hold on to certain values in life was because my dad showed me how to live them. Without preaching or boasting, he lived life by quietly fulfilling his roles and responsibilities as a husband, as a father. He taught me what it means to be generous, what it takes to be responsible and how to love with all he has. I will always be thankful to him for all that he has given me. Today, I trust that he is in a better place, reunited with mum. Still, it was painful to bid him farewell because I would miss him dearly. But I know he’d continue to live in me through all that he has taught me, not by his words but by his life.