Gratitude

妈, I want to thank you, to thank you for all that you have done for me, for all that you have given me. As the time of the year comes around and I recall your departing, there is always a sense of heaviness within me, some amount of pensiveness and lots of longing. However, this year is a little different from the last three. The weight of missing you seem to diminish a little more, even as I recall with fondness the blessings you have given me.

There is too much for me to express, but somehow I know you can understand from where you are at now. The past four years had been a life-changing period for me, intensifying over the past year. How I am living my life now amazes me, and I know it is not possible without your intense prayers and the love of God. Although your departing was the greatest pain I had to bear thus far, the healing of my wounded self was also the most life-giving experience for me. Through your life, I have received the unconditional love of a mother. Through your death, I have received the gift of hope and of life. 

Your death has taught me many things, among which the most lasting being the reminder to live each day. You have shown me how you lived each day of your life, with deep joy and sorrow, with profound faith and trust in all that is good. Most importantly, you have shown me how one can live life with humility and gratitude. Many of these virtues, seeded within me years before I was aware, have begun to spring up like shoots in my life. The past year has been a roller coaster ride of experiencing profound deepening in me, yet a gradual springing forth of joy and of freedom in life. I can truly say now that I have experienced what it is like to have truly lived.

I am still a long way from home, both physically and spiritually. But I know my journey home has begun, and you were the reason for the start. While I once bore with bitterness my longing for you, I now begin to experience gratitude for all that have come to pass. I now look forward with anticipation for all that is to be, because I know you're ever nearer to me each step of the way.

Thank you, 妈. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.