Lesson 4: Sin

Today's lesson was from church. During the responsorial psalm, it was sung that we are invited to come and taste the goodness of the Lord. It almost came like lightning - "Why haven't I been able to taste the goodness of the Lord, so many times in my life?" And that kinda lingered with me for a while, as I slowly start to feel God telling me that the reason is because my tongue has been "bitter" with so many other things. It is those times when I have allowed myself to sin against God, that I have come to de-sensitize myself to the sweetness of the Lord. Not because God has ever been any less, but because of what I have done, I have come to lose the ability to experience Him.

The homily drove in the final nails. The gospel reading was about how Jesus taught His disciples about cutting off one hand or leg, or digging out one eye, just so as to save the soul from eternal condemnation. The priest's homily brought me to the understanding that God was showing me the consequences of sin, and the gravity of not doing anything to prevent myself from doing it again and again. It was clear, almost immediately, to me that while the consequences of sin would be entrapment and guilt, the really painful experience of sin would be the separation from God.

Alot of times when I go for confession, or pray for God's mercy, I focused too much on the alleviation of guilt within myself. So that I may be liberated from the sense of unworthiness before God. But God today showed me what I have been missing out all these while. For it is not the liberation from guilt that is the true reason for Jesus' sacrifice. Rather it would be my desire to experience God in deeper ways that should be the reason for me not to sin again. For sinning brings me further away from God, and causing my tongue to be "bitter". While the bitter aftertaste is a terrible experience, what is more damaging is the inability to experience God in the perfect way that He has meant it to be.

Fighting my guilt would still be trying to work on my human nature. But the desire to experience God would widen my perspective to embrace Him in my soul. For way too long have I looked at sin through its horrendous consequences, that I have neglected the fact that sin itself is the reason for my separation from God. Instead of focusing my battle at coming to terms with the consequences of my sins, I should be looking at empowering my soul in experiencing God in a complete and beautiful way. For nothing can be greater than the sweetness of the Lord, not even the bitterness of sin. If I allow my tongue to be sweetened by the taste of God's goodness, surely I can erode the bitter aftertaste in all of my life.

I thank God for the simple, and yet not necessarily obvious, lesson He has taught me today. For I can see Him breaking the shackles, piece by piece, that I have been entangled with for many years. Till the day I am fully liberated in His wisdom of goodness, I shall continue to be patient with myself.