Lesson 1

Today, I had my first lesson God taught me here in Ithaca. Subtly, but powerfully. And it was not during one of my quiet moments, but rather during one of the noisiest time of the day - waiting for a bus back. It was quite a long wait for the bus today, and for a good reason. God taught me a lesson on relativity, and it's got nothing to do with Einstein.

As I reflected over the day's events, and happenings, I grew increasingly sensitive to My Relativities. I realised that many a times, my mood, my behaviour, my words and my actions are a direct correspondence to external factors outside of myself. Many external things have impact on me and my life. The weather... Words from people, both commendations and criticisms... People's behaviour... So many things. And it seemed to me that all these external factors do matter a lot to me, because they have considerable impact on my reactions to them. I still remember back at work, when a kind word from the boss or comments from colleagues will have an influence on how I felt and how I behaved, at least till the end of the day.

And as I sit back today and thought about all these, I realised that there are just too much relativity in my life. My mood and my behaviour are always relative to the experience of the day. I find myself swaying in different directions over different issues, especially those with no black and white answers. I struggle with emotions that arose from external influences, and wonder whether it was right or wrong for me to feel that way. My thoughts on issues depended very much on whether everyone else was in agreement, and definitely their opinions play a large part on my final conclusion.

Then I thought that there shouldn't have been that much relativity in my life in the first place, if I was confident in where my anchor lies. And my anchor should be God. In many issues that we grapple with today, are actually quite clear-cut, if only we knew where our anchors are. Many a times, we do not have to feel saddened by someone's remark of disappointment, or be angered by someone's remark of criticism. We would, if we merely react to what happen to us. But we ought not to be. With our anchors securely in the love from God, and His grace, we should be confident in what we believe... We should rejoice in what He has given... We should let go of what He has decided to take away...

I realised that I sway too much in many ways of my life, because I have not yet lower my anchors into the deep ocean. I have ALLOWED the waves to bring me wherever it desires. I probably behave like a chemical in the laboratory, waiting for a catalyst to set off my reaction. And with time, that strains my mind and my soul. Because there is no absolute peace and true joy. We go around ourselves everyday, seeking for meaning, for happiness and for fulfillment. Not because we are lacking in any sense, but because we have not yet realised that we already had them. That's why we set out in our lives seeking, all the time. Yet we know not what will fulfill us. Perhaps until we realise that we had the anchor with us. And all we had to do it lower it. Then we will be still in the wildest of storms, amidst the harshest of words and the heaviest of crosses.

I've understood that this is the journey we're all set out to take. Through waves and storms, He is trying to show us the inadequacy on our own, and through these turbulence, He is trying to bring our attention to the anchor. Then when we finally discover the anchor during the storms, we would then appreciate how powerful the anchor is.

I know that till the day I am willing to release the anchor, I will continue to struggle against the storm. It's like going to the gym. We must first know how to use the equipment, before we can start working out. And even after working out for a long period of time, if laziness sets in and the training regime is disrupted, our muscles will go wobbly again. So, the first assignment after Lesson 1 is to identify and get acquainted with the workout equipment; Word of God, prayers and the sacraments.

But first, I need to walk into the gym - To be still and let my soul be "quietened"; which is Lesson 0 that will take me a lifetime to learn...